I recently purchased the Conscious Cook, by Tal Ronnen. It's a gourmet vegan cookbook and boy do I love it. Santa also gave me two Le Creuset pieces for Christmas this year: a 3.5 quart dutch oven and a 10 inch skillet. I've been using them quite a bit so far and love the look and feel of them. I got them on sale at the outlet store. They're expensive, even when on sale, but from what I've read, they are well worth the money. I'm planning on adding a saucier for next Christmas.
The first dish I tried was the chicken piccata. It called for Gardein chicken scallopini breasts. I couldn't believe how quick and easy this dish was to put together. I had it finished before my baby blue potatoes were done roasting! And the taste was fantastic. I can't wait to make this for my kids.
I made the Paella over the weekend and it turned out amazing. I used oyster mushrooms sauted with ground, toasted nori sheets to give it some seafood flavor. I was excited because I rarely see fresh oyster mushrooms, but Sweetbay had some so I snagged them for this dish. They were so tender and juicy.
Yesterday I tried a vegan version of boeuf bourginon. I used a meat-based recipe, but substituted Gardein beef tips for the real beef. I guessed on the cooking time since I didn't need to cook my 'beef,' but it still came out very nice. I used the recipe from Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking. It included her recipe for sauted mushrooms, which I could have eaten right out of the saute pan. They were that good. The one thing I'll probably omit next time is the bacon. I used a vegan bacon sauted in butter, which I think is meant to impart a smoky flavor. However, since going vegetarian, I can't stand the smell of real bacon and can tolerate the vegan version in small doses. I'll drop that from the next batch I make, and reduce the cooking time to only an hour or so. That should make it about perfect for me.
I also made a vanilla bean panna cotta with orange sauce for dessert. I was so tickled with how that came out. It was rich and creamy and vanilla-y (yes, that's a word). And it was totally VEGAN! I've really missed my custard style desserts. I'm going to play with a vegan flan recipe today or tomorrow.
I absolutely love to cook. If only I had enough people to eat what I make! Oh well, that's what kids are for, right?
Welcome to my blog!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
One Year Anniversary
It's been one year since I seperated from my ex-husband and moved into my own house. Sometimes it feels like so long ago and other times it feels like I just got here! Even after a year, I still find myself stopping on the stairs or maybe in the kitchen and simply smiling.
I am so much happier now.
One of the counselors we saw before I decided to get a divorce asked me if I could live without a husband. She said most woman immediately say yes, but really don't understand what it would be like. I was thoroughly confused by the question and statement.
I had been married for 17 years (and engaged for 2 years) and the bulk of my ex-husband's contribution to our relationship was a paycheck, although I made almost as much as he did before starting my own company. This isn't a bashing post, nor do I intend for it to read as such. Rather, I've learned a lot this past year and the only way to appreciate these lessons learned is by understanding my experience.
I am an enabler. I suspected this only two years ago, but didn't really see it for what it was until this past year.
My enabling experience started as a child of an alcoholic father. I learned early on to make sure nothing went wrong when my father came home as his drinking tended to accentuate his already short temper. My mother wound up on the receiving end of most of my father's jokes and chiding, although she always took it well and never seemed to mind. I never heard her complain or defend herself.
My father didn't do any housework. That was a woman's job. The fact that my mother also worked full-time was irrelevant. One time I ruined a batch of ice tea I had been making. I remember my father's exact words, "what kind of wife are you going to make if you can't even make a batch of ice tea?!" I never responded with what I wanted to say. You never "back-talked" to my father. Instead, I swallowed my reply, dumped out the burnt tea bags, washed the pot, and started all over again.
Equal rights has always been a point of contention with me, I suppose because of my father. My sister still makes fun of me when it comes to gender stereotypes and behavior. For example, my daughter never owned a barbie, although both of my nieces had them. As far as I'm concerned, Barbie is a man's play toy. My daughter did, however, have a baby doll. She received it for Christmas the same year she received a fire truck. Yes, both were from me.
Being the oldest meant I was responsible for everything my brother and sister did while I was in charge. I started being in charge in fourth grade. If they did something wrong and I couldn't fix it before my father got home, whoever did it and I were both punished. I always hated that. Unfortunately, it taught me to do everything myself.
Obviously, my perception of marriage was far less than ideal. As an adult I shoved away everything I wanted from a marriage, thinking I was completely selfish, and instead settled for what I thought a marriage was supposed to be like. My ex wasn't an alcoholic, although he did have a temper to match my father's. He was well educated and good looking. We met the month I turned 20. At the time, I felt lucky that he even liked me.
I think it was his temper that triggered my enabling instincts. Or maybe they just never went away after going to college. Whatever the reason, I soon settled into a routine whereby I did my best not to get him angry. He rarely got angry at anything I did, but would often come home upset at something else. Whenever he did get angry, he usually took it out on me. He never hit me or anything, but he would yell and sometimes throw things. If he seemed to have a bad day at work, I wouldn't risk setting him off by asking him to help out with the housework. Yes, I was a wuss. It's odd, because I've stood up for other people's feelings and rights numerous times, but when it comes to my own, I cave faster than you can blink.
My problem quickly escalated to include all aspects of our lives: housework, meals, finances, home/car maintenance, etc. I handled everything related to our lives. Everything. Until our last year together, he didn't even know how many bank accounts we had. He had only ever cooked a handful of meals in all our years together. I used to try to discuss things like retirement plans or new car purchases with my ex, but he was never interested. It was simply easier for me to do it all. And he was very content to let me.
This past year I've had to walk him through ordering phone service to his house, setting up new services on his wireless account, and explaining to him who to talk to about his life insurance. The last half of 2008 and the first three months of 2009 my stress level was through the roof. I didn't know how to unwind and let go. I kept worrying if the kids were okay at his house. Were they eating? Did they make the bus? Is he dropping them off at school too early? Did he check the boy's homework?
It took a long time for me to finally let go.
Now, I enjoy the weeks I have with my kids, but I also enjoy the weeks they are at their dad's. It's the first time I can remember that I have time to myself. I can now pick up and do something and not have to worry about schedules and kids. It's liberating to realize that I am a mother, but I also have a life of my own. Of course, now I have to actually make a life! (that's the goal for 2010)
The guilt of not missing the kids when they're at their dad's is gone. The guilt of not being there to ease my ex into his own life is gone as well. Now there's just my life and what I want to do with it.
The year taught me that I really did do far more than I should have in my marriage. It wasn't a good relationship for either myself or my ex. I knew before the divorce that I could live without a husband. What I have to learn now, is how to live with one.
The other thing I learned is that I won't settle again. I may not need a husband, but I won't settle for someone who isn't my best friend and lover. Finally, it took me 20 years to realize that wanting a caring and supportive mate is neither selfish nor unrealistic. It is also something I deserve just as much as the next person.
I am so much happier now.
One of the counselors we saw before I decided to get a divorce asked me if I could live without a husband. She said most woman immediately say yes, but really don't understand what it would be like. I was thoroughly confused by the question and statement.
I had been married for 17 years (and engaged for 2 years) and the bulk of my ex-husband's contribution to our relationship was a paycheck, although I made almost as much as he did before starting my own company. This isn't a bashing post, nor do I intend for it to read as such. Rather, I've learned a lot this past year and the only way to appreciate these lessons learned is by understanding my experience.
I am an enabler. I suspected this only two years ago, but didn't really see it for what it was until this past year.
My enabling experience started as a child of an alcoholic father. I learned early on to make sure nothing went wrong when my father came home as his drinking tended to accentuate his already short temper. My mother wound up on the receiving end of most of my father's jokes and chiding, although she always took it well and never seemed to mind. I never heard her complain or defend herself.
My father didn't do any housework. That was a woman's job. The fact that my mother also worked full-time was irrelevant. One time I ruined a batch of ice tea I had been making. I remember my father's exact words, "what kind of wife are you going to make if you can't even make a batch of ice tea?!" I never responded with what I wanted to say. You never "back-talked" to my father. Instead, I swallowed my reply, dumped out the burnt tea bags, washed the pot, and started all over again.
Equal rights has always been a point of contention with me, I suppose because of my father. My sister still makes fun of me when it comes to gender stereotypes and behavior. For example, my daughter never owned a barbie, although both of my nieces had them. As far as I'm concerned, Barbie is a man's play toy. My daughter did, however, have a baby doll. She received it for Christmas the same year she received a fire truck. Yes, both were from me.
Being the oldest meant I was responsible for everything my brother and sister did while I was in charge. I started being in charge in fourth grade. If they did something wrong and I couldn't fix it before my father got home, whoever did it and I were both punished. I always hated that. Unfortunately, it taught me to do everything myself.
Obviously, my perception of marriage was far less than ideal. As an adult I shoved away everything I wanted from a marriage, thinking I was completely selfish, and instead settled for what I thought a marriage was supposed to be like. My ex wasn't an alcoholic, although he did have a temper to match my father's. He was well educated and good looking. We met the month I turned 20. At the time, I felt lucky that he even liked me.
I think it was his temper that triggered my enabling instincts. Or maybe they just never went away after going to college. Whatever the reason, I soon settled into a routine whereby I did my best not to get him angry. He rarely got angry at anything I did, but would often come home upset at something else. Whenever he did get angry, he usually took it out on me. He never hit me or anything, but he would yell and sometimes throw things. If he seemed to have a bad day at work, I wouldn't risk setting him off by asking him to help out with the housework. Yes, I was a wuss. It's odd, because I've stood up for other people's feelings and rights numerous times, but when it comes to my own, I cave faster than you can blink.
My problem quickly escalated to include all aspects of our lives: housework, meals, finances, home/car maintenance, etc. I handled everything related to our lives. Everything. Until our last year together, he didn't even know how many bank accounts we had. He had only ever cooked a handful of meals in all our years together. I used to try to discuss things like retirement plans or new car purchases with my ex, but he was never interested. It was simply easier for me to do it all. And he was very content to let me.
This past year I've had to walk him through ordering phone service to his house, setting up new services on his wireless account, and explaining to him who to talk to about his life insurance. The last half of 2008 and the first three months of 2009 my stress level was through the roof. I didn't know how to unwind and let go. I kept worrying if the kids were okay at his house. Were they eating? Did they make the bus? Is he dropping them off at school too early? Did he check the boy's homework?
It took a long time for me to finally let go.
Now, I enjoy the weeks I have with my kids, but I also enjoy the weeks they are at their dad's. It's the first time I can remember that I have time to myself. I can now pick up and do something and not have to worry about schedules and kids. It's liberating to realize that I am a mother, but I also have a life of my own. Of course, now I have to actually make a life! (that's the goal for 2010)
The guilt of not missing the kids when they're at their dad's is gone. The guilt of not being there to ease my ex into his own life is gone as well. Now there's just my life and what I want to do with it.
The year taught me that I really did do far more than I should have in my marriage. It wasn't a good relationship for either myself or my ex. I knew before the divorce that I could live without a husband. What I have to learn now, is how to live with one.
The other thing I learned is that I won't settle again. I may not need a husband, but I won't settle for someone who isn't my best friend and lover. Finally, it took me 20 years to realize that wanting a caring and supportive mate is neither selfish nor unrealistic. It is also something I deserve just as much as the next person.
Friday, December 18, 2009
TGIF
I am SO glad this week is just about over. It's been worse than usual, and I didn't have any holiday shopping I was trying to cram into it either! I mentioned that this past weekend was the first baking I've done this month. I had intended to spread the rest out over the evenings and have it all done by Thursday.
Well that didn't happen.
As it turns out, my kids conspired against me. Sean and Jess double whammied me within 30 minutes of picking each of them up from school. First, Sean announced that his science fair project is due this Friday. This is the same project about which I've asked at least twice in the past six weeks (yes, that's 6 weeks) and was told it's not due "for a long time." We had to run to Target to buy him a black outfit (dress shirt, pants, socks and dress shoes) for his handbells and chimes concert Thursday evening. Target didn't have the two things we needed for his project: magnets and a spring scale.
Then Jess informed me that we needed to run to her Dad's Monday evening to pick up her band shirt because she needed it for the concert Tuesday evening.
"Concert? What concert?!"
"I forgot to tell you. We have a concert Tuesday night."
"Great." This week was going downhill fast, and it was only Monday!
Wednesday Richard had his last track meet and they all had a half day of school. (Why they need a half day of school two days before leaving for a two week holiday is beyond me.) He's also assistant senior patrol leader for his boy scout troop and had to attend a planning meeting Thursday evening, right before Sean's concert.
We ended up with packed evenings Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday of this week. I had client work during the day and couldn't sneak out to get anything done till Thursday. I spent Thursday morning making three different kinds of breads: cranberry-orange, pumpkin-chocolate chip, and white chocolate-raspberry. I also made the final batch of truffles: dark chocolate-raspberry. I went out over lunch and found a bunch of holiday boxes discounted and snagged about 20 of them. I also found a store that sold magnets for Sean's project, but they and everyone else were out of spring scales, so Sean borrowed one from his teachers. We were up till 11:30 doing his project. I'm not one of those parents that does my son's work for him. He had to do everything himself except type it up. He wrote the words and I typed it up for him just because he can't type yet.
I got up this morning and loaded eight gift boxes for Jess and Sean to take to school. Got home and filled another seven for Richard to take to school. When Richard got out of the car at school, I let out a huge sigh. Finally, time to breath!
I'm feeling the stress again just writing about this week!
With any luck, work the next two weeks will be slow and I can get caught up on my writing. (fingers, toes, arms and legs all crossed!)
Well that didn't happen.
As it turns out, my kids conspired against me. Sean and Jess double whammied me within 30 minutes of picking each of them up from school. First, Sean announced that his science fair project is due this Friday. This is the same project about which I've asked at least twice in the past six weeks (yes, that's 6 weeks) and was told it's not due "for a long time." We had to run to Target to buy him a black outfit (dress shirt, pants, socks and dress shoes) for his handbells and chimes concert Thursday evening. Target didn't have the two things we needed for his project: magnets and a spring scale.
Then Jess informed me that we needed to run to her Dad's Monday evening to pick up her band shirt because she needed it for the concert Tuesday evening.
"Concert? What concert?!"
"I forgot to tell you. We have a concert Tuesday night."
"Great." This week was going downhill fast, and it was only Monday!
Wednesday Richard had his last track meet and they all had a half day of school. (Why they need a half day of school two days before leaving for a two week holiday is beyond me.) He's also assistant senior patrol leader for his boy scout troop and had to attend a planning meeting Thursday evening, right before Sean's concert.
We ended up with packed evenings Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday of this week. I had client work during the day and couldn't sneak out to get anything done till Thursday. I spent Thursday morning making three different kinds of breads: cranberry-orange, pumpkin-chocolate chip, and white chocolate-raspberry. I also made the final batch of truffles: dark chocolate-raspberry. I went out over lunch and found a bunch of holiday boxes discounted and snagged about 20 of them. I also found a store that sold magnets for Sean's project, but they and everyone else were out of spring scales, so Sean borrowed one from his teachers. We were up till 11:30 doing his project. I'm not one of those parents that does my son's work for him. He had to do everything himself except type it up. He wrote the words and I typed it up for him just because he can't type yet.
I got up this morning and loaded eight gift boxes for Jess and Sean to take to school. Got home and filled another seven for Richard to take to school. When Richard got out of the car at school, I let out a huge sigh. Finally, time to breath!
I'm feeling the stress again just writing about this week!
With any luck, work the next two weeks will be slow and I can get caught up on my writing. (fingers, toes, arms and legs all crossed!)
Monday, December 14, 2009
It's been how long since my last blog post?!
Two weeks? Sheesh. Sorry!
The odd thing is that I actually start Christmas shopping in August and try and get most, if not all, of it finished by Thanksgiving. The theory behind this is that by December, I'll be able to relax and enjoy the month as opposed to running around the stores and internet like the majority of frantic holiday shoppers. Of course, my theory was established before my kids started having lives of their own. Now with band, track and boy scouts on top of regular work and school functions, I find that my December is just as busy without the shopping.
Last weekend was the first time this month I've had the opportunity to do some baking. I made sandtarts and sugar cookies with my sons. Sean helped me with the first batch of truffles, but quickly bailed when he realized how time-consuming they are to make. That didn't stop either of them from adding to their list of people for gift boxes though. Jess and Sean combined only need 7 boxes/tins of goodies to give to teachers, coaches, bus drivers, etc. Richard can't just pick a favorite teacher or two. He needs to give them to all of his teachers. And since he's now in middle school with a different teacher for each subject, that means he needs 7 boxes/tins for gifts. Oh joy!
I've got to keep an eye on my truffle count though, as Jess has been known to sneak into the kitchen and snag one from the fridge. She's also been hovering over me the past two days asking when I'm going to make the breads. She loves the white chocolate raspberry mini-bread loaves I make. She doens't seem to hear the part of my reply that includes "they're for the gift boxes."
I don't mind. All of this is what makes holiday memories.
The odd thing is that I actually start Christmas shopping in August and try and get most, if not all, of it finished by Thanksgiving. The theory behind this is that by December, I'll be able to relax and enjoy the month as opposed to running around the stores and internet like the majority of frantic holiday shoppers. Of course, my theory was established before my kids started having lives of their own. Now with band, track and boy scouts on top of regular work and school functions, I find that my December is just as busy without the shopping.
Last weekend was the first time this month I've had the opportunity to do some baking. I made sandtarts and sugar cookies with my sons. Sean helped me with the first batch of truffles, but quickly bailed when he realized how time-consuming they are to make. That didn't stop either of them from adding to their list of people for gift boxes though. Jess and Sean combined only need 7 boxes/tins of goodies to give to teachers, coaches, bus drivers, etc. Richard can't just pick a favorite teacher or two. He needs to give them to all of his teachers. And since he's now in middle school with a different teacher for each subject, that means he needs 7 boxes/tins for gifts. Oh joy!
I've got to keep an eye on my truffle count though, as Jess has been known to sneak into the kitchen and snag one from the fridge. She's also been hovering over me the past two days asking when I'm going to make the breads. She loves the white chocolate raspberry mini-bread loaves I make. She doens't seem to hear the part of my reply that includes "they're for the gift boxes."
I don't mind. All of this is what makes holiday memories.
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