Welcome to my blog!

I'm a divorced mom with a teenage daughter and two pre-teen sons. Writing is my first love. When I'm not writing or working or playing taxi to the kids, I also toy with photography and baking.

So, basically, my camera rarely sees the light of day and my mixer stands in the corner in permanent time-out.

To see some samples of my writing, you can check out my website: www.csrickard.com

Thursday, September 24, 2009

My daughter: the conspiracy theorist

Last week Jess had us laughing so hard in the car, I knew I'd have to write it down. She was in one of her moods, the one where everything is black and white and she knows all. It could be just a teen phase, but I doubt it as she's always been this way.

Regardless, Sean and Richard were with us and Sean was telling us that if he gets so many points in class during the week, his name will go into a jar and his teacher will pull one name on Friday. That person gets to take one of the classroom pets home for the weekend. His choices are one of three snakes, rats, hampsters or guinea pigs. Sean decided he wanted to take home either a snake or the rats. The following dialogue ensued:

Jess: You're not bringing rats home. They have bubonic plague.
Mom: What!?
Jess: It's true. Half of Europe was wiped out because the rats carried bubonic plague.
Mom (laughing): Yeah, but these rats don't carry the plague.
Jess: How do you know? They carried it once, they can carry it again.
Mom just keeps laughing and rolls her eyes.
Jess: Actually, if he does bring home rats, I'm moving to India. No one in India died from the plague. Maybe it was because they eat so much curry.
Mom and boys can't stop laughing.
Jess: I'm serious! Just wait. You'll die from the bubonic plague and when I give your eulogy, I'll end it with "I told you so."

The laughter dies down a bit and Jess announces she's going to be a conspiracy theorist. I laugh even harder.
Richard: Sean, stop biting your nails and spitting them at me!
Jess: That's a sign of a vitamin deficiency.
Mom and boys stop and stare at her.
Jess: It is. I read about it. He has vitamin C deficiency.
The rest of us start laughing...again.
Mom: It's also a sign of nerves and an oral fixation. He doesn't have a vitamin deficiency.
Jess: Nope. It's a sign of a vitamin deficiency.

As we all laugh, the dark sky streaks with lightening and a clap of thunder rattles the car. (I should note that beginning this year, Jess has become terrified of thunderstorms - she's afraid she'll die in a tornado. She refuses to listen to my explanation of the possibility of it happening).

Jess: Can't you drive any faster?
Mom points ahead: Where do you want me to go? It's raining and there's traffic. I can't exactly drive over the cars.
Jess: Why not?
Richard taunts: What's wrong Jess?
Jess: Shut up Richard. You have no idea how often tornadoes strike and we're sitting in a car! We could all be killed. (she's not afraid, but annoyed that no one takes her seriously)
All of us are laughing at her now.
Jess: We could!
Mom: Well, Richard, it seems you'll die from a tornado. Sean will die from a vitamin C deficiency and I'll die from the plague.
We all laugh.
Jess smiles: That's right. And I'll live to be an old woman.

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