My hands are killing me

I've been seeing a massage therapist for about three years now. I mentioned in a previous post that I had been telecommuting for 13 years, well all of that time has been spent on the computer. You don't realize how messed up your body can get when you sit in front of a computer all day long, five days a week, for years on end. That is, until you arm starts getting a tingling sensation that runs from the shoulder down to the middle two fingers. And your neck is constantly tight. And more and more frequently a strip running down your hand will go numb.

Fun times!

When I told the therapist that I worked all day long on the computer and had for years, she nodded her head like, "yeah, heard it before." Then she touched my shoulders and froze. "You were really serious about how much time you spend on the computer." Apparently my muscles tell the story for me.

The sessions with her really help. I can't stop working on the computer, but she's taught me some stretches that I do along with visits to her. So the tingling and numbing sensation in my arms doesn't appear anymore (unless I get a huge project and get stuck working 12 hour days for a week).

The workload hasn't been too crazy lately, but it has been consistent. And the consistency has been taking a toll on my hands. I find my palms and fingers achy from repetitive strokes to the point that, I just can't sit down after working all day and work on my manuscript. It's been extremely frustrating.

However, after doing some thinking and research, I decided to buy a talk-to-type software called Dragon Naturally Speaking. It's supposed to do all kinds of stuff like open applications and send email, purely on voice command. I'm not interested in any of that stuff. I just want something that I can install and then dictate to my computer and have the software type the words on the screen. I was hesitant at first, as I have quite a few made-up words in my manuscript. The software is supposed to allow you to say and type out any new word not in it's dictionary and then remember it the next time you say it. The reviews range from so-so to great, but overall it seems to be the best that does this stuff. Most of the negative comments were for launching apps and other 'advanced' features that I don't care about, so I'm pretty confident it will work for the basics that I need.

It's supposed to arrive sometime next week.So, with any luck, I'll be able to start working on my manuscript again without doing more damage to my hands. YEAH!!

Self-reliant authors

Holt uncensored had an interesting post about publishing spending and mid-list and debut authors. They used Seth Harwood as an example of what the 'next generation of authors' may look like, out of necessity.

While I don't see myself mimicing Seth's path to publishing, several of the things he did to get published I view as beneficial and necessary to debut authors. I also agree that given the trend at the publishing houses, it will be incumbant upon the author to essentially market themselves. Of course, that means dipping into personal funds to help get the word out.

You have to spend money to make money.

When I sign a contract (yes -- the power of positive thought), I am not anticipating much in the way of an advance. Whatever I do receive will go completely to marketing the book. I still have 2-3 years before I'll have my manuscript to the point where I'm ready to query an agent, but in the meantime, I'm reading and studying everything I can on marketing books.

I don't like going into things ignorant. I also don't like waiting till the last minute to understand something. While I enjoy my spontaneous weekend jaunts occasionally, I'll admit that I'm a planner. Writing is my dream job. I intend to do everything within my ability to make it a real job.

The snake loves me!

Now, for the continuing saga of Sean and the classroom pets...

I picked Sean up from school yesterday afternoon and his mouth went a mile-a-minute about his day. When it finally slowed down to a normal pace, he proudly announced, "Saturn wrapped completely around my body today and squeezed me, gently."
"Really? Isn't Saturn a boa constrictor?"

"Yeah."

...."um...honey...boa constrictors squeeze you because they think you're food, not because they want to hug you."

"No, mom, she squeezes Mrs. B all the time. That's how she hugs you."

Grumbles to self, "and how they eat you."

Do you need to do research when writing fantasy?

I've read of the importance of research in many places and for many genres, but had naively assumed that I wouldn't need to do any when writing fantasy. I mean, I'm making everything up. Why do I need to research, right?

Wrong!

About a year after I first started writing, I realized that there were some things that I wasn't sure about. Yes, I'm making up the world, but I want it to be believable. The only way I can achieve that is to determine the natural laws of that world, which will be similar to ours in several ways, and then make sure I don't break any of them! In order to understand some of these laws, I need to do some research.

I'll be honest, science was definately not my forte in school, so I have no problem researching any time I want to double check a fact or better understand a relationship.

One of my research issues was related to weather and geography. I needed to better understand weather patterns, specifically precipitation, so that I could lay out the geography of my world realistically.

Additionally, one of the species in my novel is the tiger, but they aren't quite the same as tigers in this world. They look the same, orange with black stripes, however these creatures are sentient beings and can speak both verbally and telepathically. They are referred to as the 'warrior race' within their world. They have their own personalities, and naturally have a social structure and interpersonal skills that tigers in our world don't have. However, I still wanted to make sure that I didn't make them do something completely inconsistent within both worlds. I needed to better understand their behaviors in this world so that I could intelligently mimic or change those behaviors in their world. This particular subject brought me to the round of research I did over the weekend.

I'm fortunate to  have access to Big Cat Rescue, the world's largest accredited big cat rescue sanctuary. They are located about 45 minutes from my house. Their website has some wonderful information on tigers. They also provide guided tours of their facility. I still have several questions that I couldn't find answers to either on their website or several others that I searched, so I'm going to take a guided tour sometime this week. This will give me the opportunity to observe the tigers closer than I've ever done before as well as speak directly with a specialist of the species. I'm taking my camera along too. I love photographing wildlife and nature, this should be amazing!

Another example of research is geography and species compatibility. Are the species you're creating suited to live in the area in which you place them? With the tigers in my world, I had originally intended to have them live in the desert. However, after reading about them, I discovered that they actually live anywhere with dense vegetation. Can I change that in my world? Sure. Can I do it and make it believable...maybe. I think this comes down to necessity. Do my tigers need to live in the desert? Not really. However, now I have to find another place for them to live. If having a species live in the desert is a necessity to the story, then I would need to either make another species or alter my tigers  in such a way that they are equipped for desert life.

It all comes down to research and believability. Even in fantasy, you need to research your facts so that your world and it's creatures become real to your readers.

Am I a cruel mom?

I woke this morning to water droplets on the windows and a thick fog smothering the neighborhood. The houses across the pond from my backyard look fuzzy and veiled in mist. The only thing visible beyond the first row of houses is the blanket of fog. Perfect setting for the post I've been contemplating the past few days.

I was going to name this post: Is struggle and hardship a bad thing? However, the real point isn't so much about struggle and hardship as my perception of myself for thinking it isn't. So the title became what it is: Am I a cruel mom?

Sean had begged for several years to get a pet bird. I kept telling him he was too young. When he turned ten, I told him if he wanted a bird, he'd have to earn the money, not just to buy a bird and cage, but he would have to keep earning money to buy the food. The bird would be solely his responsibility. Sean being Sean jumped in with both feet and earned the money in a matter of months.

Of my three kids, Sean is the only one I don't worry about when it comes to surviving financially as an adult. I know he can, and will, do any job necessary to survive. My other two, however, are total job snobs, but that's a seperate story.

After purchasing Whistles, a green parakeet, Sean decided he needed a friend and bought Jack, a blue one. Sean was pretty good at taking care of them early on, but like most kids, the habit got old, fast. He made sure he always had food in the house, just not necessarily in their cage. After the divorce, the birds switched houses with Sean, so two weeks at my house and two weeks at their father's. Whenever they were at my house, I always checked on them each morning after Sean went to summer camp or school to make sure they had food and water. If they were low, I would remind Sean to check when he got home that day.

As the months wore on, my reminders started falling on deaf ears or he would reply that he just did it (when I knew he hadn't). I would let the birds go a few days while commenting once each afternoon about their food or water. When nothing was done, I would do it and then tell him what I did and why. The transition to mom taking care of the birds prompted several conversations about the benefits of giving the birds to the zoo or someone else who wanted them -- because mom didn't. His first reaction to those conversations was to take better care of the birds. Of course, these always came in short bursts of activity that quickly fizzled to nothing.

When the kids switched houses three weeks ago, Sean walked into my house without his birds. I noticed right away, but said nothing. I wanted to see how long it took before he remembered he left them at his dad's. As fate would have it, I had to stop at his dad's that Thursday because Sean left his hat there and it was hat day at school on Friday. Sean noticed a feather on his hat and then remembered his birds. I told him right then that this couldn't continue. With practically no effort on my part he agreed that it would be better to give the birds away. We decided they'd do it when he switched back to his dad's house the following week.

Unfortunately, the birds were out of food and neither Sean or his dad realized it. So Jack died the following week and Whistles died two days later.

Sean was in complete shock that they had died. I had warned him several times that they could die without food or water, but I don't think he really believed it would happen. At one point when he was crying, he said it was his fault and it should have been him who died, which is the whole point of this post.

As much as I love and respect all life, part of me was glad the birds died. Sean is a very reactive individual. He is very focused and intent, but he has no appreciation for his actions or their consequences. He never has. Hearing him say those words, and knowing he meant them, made me think the entire experience was well worth it. As bad as this was for him, I truly think it will stay with him and make him a better person. Things like this are never pleasant, but I truly believe they are necessary in shaping who we are, hopefully for the better.

Two days later, Sean dug a grave in his dad's back yard and the three of us buried Whistles (dad had already gotten rid of Jack's body by then).

Is the Day Job a Problem?

The other week I posted about finding inspiration for writing. This week, I stumbled across an article that touches on a similar theme. The Millions posted an article called Working the Double Shift.

Here are a few excerpts that I particularly liked in the article:

"[An] element to the way we all think about the conflict between a day job and writing full-time is that even us writers sometimes fall into the fallacy of thinking of writing as a romantic hobby. A hobby isn’t a job, it’s not work – it’s “recreation.” This is why when we say, “I’m going to quit my job and write full-time,” it sounds so romantic and idyllic. It carries images of getting out of bed late, drinking large mugs of tea or coffee, sitting at a desk in your pj’s, staring at the trees through the window, and playing with your muse… But if we match the language to the reality, the phrase would actually read this way:

“I’m going to quit working and work full-time.”

That doesn’t sound romantic at all does it? And, if you talk to full-time, un-famous writers they’ll confirm just how unromantic writing full-time is."

I completely understand this statement. However, I think the author misplaces this experience solely on writers. The fact is that this can be experienced by most people who work from home, regardless of their profession.

I've been telecommuting for over 13 years now. I stumbled into it before it was considered an option for employees. (One of the perks of having a unique set of skills that your employer really doesn't want to lose!) Every time I tell someone I telecommute one of two things happens. Either they look at me as if it isn't a real job and probably some kind of part-time hobby thing. Or their eyes glint with wistful affection at the possibility of it happening to them. In both cases they are mistaken. My job is work. My work-day runs from 8-5, longer if I have the rare project that requires over-time.

When I first started telecommuting, working very long hours was easy and seductive. We all know that there's always something else that needs to be done at the office. When your office is in your house, you can hear the silent whispers issuing from the darkened room at the end of the hallway. Pleas to finish a certain project. Cajoling about how much better you'll feel when it's done. After all, everything you need to complete it is right there. All you have to do is walk into the room.

Don't do it!

I learned a great deal about myself and self-discipline early on. I also discovered that many people do not have the self-discipline to work from home. You need to determine what hours you intend to work and commit to them. There is no slipping off to the couch to watch television or do something else. No sneaking back in the office after dinner to finish 'just one more thing.'

However, I will disagree with the earlier statements of the quote. I routinely start my day either in shorts and socks or sweats and slippers, depending upon the weather. I rarely wear shoes while working. I don't do anything except boot up my computer until I have a mug of hot tea in hand. I also tend to keep the hot tea flowing till about noon. (LOVE my hot tea!) And when thinking over a current problem with a project, I always stare out my office window until I figure it out. Once solved, I turn back to the computer and work away.

I find the process of writing very similar.

"At a dinner some months ago, I found myself discussing the problem of earning a living with a couple of other writers. One of them—a mystery writer who writes full time—said something that surprised me: when he wrote his fiction, he said, he felt that he was drawing on experiences that he’d had before he’d quit his day job thirty-five years earlier.

There was a note of wistfulness in his voice that struck me. My sense was that his life as a writer was somewhat isolated. It was interesting to think of work as something that might help one’s writing, rather than as an uncomfortable but unavoidable impediment to it. What secret purposes might our day jobs serve, aside from the obvious advantages of being able to put dinner on the table?"

Again, I can totally relate to this. Telecommuting worked well for me for several reasons. First, my husband at the time had just accepted a job offer in Florida, so remaining in DC wasn't an option for me. Second, I have three kids and wanted the flexibility of being at home for them after school. That was actually very important to me. When my kids were younger, I had no choice but to use day-care because I simply couldn't commit my full effort to either them or my job when I tried to keep them home with me. I decided that when they hit school age, they wouldn't be in day care any longer. And they weren't. It also allowed me some flexibility to help them with homework after school and make sure they didn't pig out on junk food before dinner.

This arrangement worked wonderfully for me as someone who had to work full-time but also wanted to be there for her kids as much as possible. However, as with everything in life, there are always down sides. In this case, the biggest draw-back was lack of socialization for me.

While I telecommuted from FL, my company had offices throughout the US: NY, DC, TX, CA, WA, and IL . I also had clients across the US and several countries, but rarely visited any of them. My work was all done remotely from my home office. My colleagues all worked either in company offices or at client sites as I was the only employee who telecommuted. And none of them worked nearby. So, what's the downside? I didn't experience the camaraderie of co-workers. There was no going out to lunch together or hitting happy hour after a long meeting. I also had little opportunity to meet people unless they were parents of my kids friends.

I had thrown myself full-time into work and my kids and didn't make any time for myself, not even to write. I can honestly say that even today, the only person I can think of to call up if I wanted to go do something would be my mom. Yes, I know, beyond pathetic. Yet it's true. I'm not an extrovert by any stretch of the imagination. I've never needed a lot of friends. My best friend lives in CA. I have another college friend up in NY. I know several moms in the the area, but not to the point that I'd call them friends.

I think my particular situation isn't solely the result of telecommuting for so long, rather a combination of that and my own personality. The consequences are that my experiences from which I draw on for writing can seem distant and veiled because I don't experience them regularly. This brings me back to the relevance of my post two weeks ago on finding inspiration.

The Millions article raises several points that I think would interest people not accustomed to working in solitary situations. If you are considering writing full-time, I suggest you read the article and do some research on telecommuting. It is a very solitary career choice and one that you need to work at, literally.

e-books and publishing

Nathan and Eric had great posts on the e-book price war that started this week.

I abhor WalMart. I never, ever shop there. I do like Target for common household items, but I don't shop there for groceries or other 'specialty' items, like books or DVDs. My big gripe with trying to cram something of everything into one place, is that you have to forgo variety. And I LOVE variety!

I have never bought a book from a Target, grocery store or anyplace other than a bookstore, whether brick and mortar or online. I wish I understood more of the implications of the pricing war, but my initial sense is that WalMart realized it didn't offer the cheapest items in the area of books and decided to stick its feet in the pool. Of course, Amazon, being the big fish in that pool, retaliated in kind.

At present, the price reductions haven't effected the profits to publishers or authors, but plenty of people worry that it will. Again, showing my ignorance in the business side of things, as long as there are multiple places through which to sell books, I don't see how Amazon or WalMart have any bargaining power to try and force publishers to reduce their costs to match the below-profit prices these guys have been offering. My only hope is that it won't last long enough to force the remaining independent booksellers out of business. I don't see how they could compete at all in this type of environment. Of course, the fear is that WalMart or Amazon will force so many out of the field that they will then have that ability eventually.

Along those lines, the ABA sent a letter to the Department of Justice requesting an investigation into the pricing war. It will be interesting to see how this pans out.

With all of the focus on e-books and online purchases, there are still those naysayers that think e-books are a fad or won't last long. And there are those on the opposite side touting the beauty of e-books to the doom of paperbacks. I think both are wrong. I love e-books, but I love paperbacks as well. I still buy both and see the value in both. I think they complement one another. I also think online sites like e-stores, author websites and blogs offer a wonderful marketing opportunity for both paper books and e-books.

There was also an article by LibraDigital regarding the marketing power of free online chapters. Here is an excerpt summarizing the results:

“We know that allowing readers to preview book chapters before buying has a positive impact on both print and eBook sales,” said Russell P. Reeder, President and CEO of LibreDigital, Inc. “In the case of one well-known book publisher, one in three people who browsed decided to purchase the book online. As a result, leading publishers are increasing their use of online previews when planning promotional campaigns for both new and existing book titles.”

I fully intend to offer my first chapter free online. Even before this article came out, I instinctively knew it would help, probably based on personal experience. This year I read first chapters offered on websites of authors I'd never read before, and ended up buying about 6 books as a result. Four of those were e-books, the other two were paperback.

I think paper books and e-books will both be around for a very long time.

Tips on Writing from Annie Dillard's class

Moonrat posted a link to this article on writing by Alexander Chee, based on a class he took with Annie Dillard. The content wasn't necessarily new to me, however, the way it was written made me think of my own writing on a much deeper level. Below are excerpts from the article I found most relevant:

"In her class, I learned that while I had spoken English all of my life, there was actually very little I knew about it. English was born from low German, a language that was good for categorization, and had filled itself in with words from Latin and Anglo Saxon words, and was now in the process of eating things from Asian languages. Latinates were polysyllabic, and Anglo Saxon words were short, with perhaps two syllables at best. A good writer made use of both to vary sentence rhythms."

"If you’re doing your job, the reader feels what you felt. You don’t have to tell the reader how to feel. No one likes to be told how to feel about something. And if you doubt that, just go ahead. Try and tell someone how to feel."

"The passive voice in particular was a crisis. “Was” only told you that something existed—this was not enough. And on this topic, I remember one of her fugues almost exactly:

You want vivid writing. How do we get vivid writing? Verbs, first. Precise verbs. All of the action on the page, everything that happens, happens in the verbs. The passive voice needs gerunds to make anything happen. But too many gerunds together on the page makes for tinnitus: Running, sitting, speaking, laughing, inginginginging. No. Don’t do it. The verbs tell a reader whether something happened once or continually, what is in motion, what is at rest. Gerunds are lazy, you don’t have to make a decision and soon, everything is happening at the same time, pell-mell, chaos. Don’t do that. Also, bad verb choices mean adverbs. More often than not, you don’t need them. Did he run quickly or did he sprint? Did he walk slowly or did he stroll or saunter?"

"Your unique perspective, at this time, in our age, whether it’s on Tunis or the trees outside your window, is what matters. Don’t worry about being original, she said dismissively. Yes, everything’s been written, but also, the thing you want to write, before you wrote it, was impossible to write. Otherwise it would already exist. You writing it makes it possible."

"She spoke often of “the job.” If you’re doing your job, the reader feels what you felt. You don’t have to tell the reader how to feel. No one likes to be told how to feel about something. And if you doubt that, just go ahead. Try and tell someone how to feel.

We were to avoid emotional language. The line goes grey when you do that, she said. Don’t tell the reader that someone was happy or sad. When you do that, the reader has nothing to see. She isn’t angry, Annie said. She throws his clothes out the window. Be specific."

"After the lecture on verbs, we counted the verbs on the page, circled them, tallied the count for each page to the side and averaged them. Can you increase the average number of verbs per page, she asked. I got this exercise from Samuel Johnson, she told us, who believed in a lively page, and used to count his verbs. Now look at them. Have you used the right verbs? Is that the precise verb for that precise thing? Remember that adverbs are a sign that you’ve used the wrong verb. Verbs control when something is happening in the mind of the reader. Think carefully—when did this happen in relation to this? And is that how you’ve described it?"

"You can invent the details that don’t matter, she said. At the edges. You cannot invent the details that matter."

"Talent isn’t enough, she had told us. Writing is work. Anyone can do this, anyone can learn to do this. It’s not rocket science, it’s habits of mind and habits of work. I started with people much more talented than me, she said, and they’re dead or in jail or not writing. The difference between myself and them is that I’m writing. Talent could give you nothing. Without work, talent is only talent, promise, not product."

"If I’ve done my job, she said in the last class, you won’t be happy with anything you write for the next 10 years. It’s not because you won’t be writing well, but because I’ve raised your standards for yourself. Don’t compare yourselves to each other. Compare yourself to Colette, or Henry James, or Edith Wharton. Compare yourselves to the classics. Shoot there...Go up to the place in the bookstore where your books will go, she said. Walk right up and find your place on the shelf. Put your finger there, and then go every time.

In class, the idea seemed ridiculous. But at some point after the class ended, I did it. I walked up to the shelf. Chabon, Cheever. I put my finger between them and made a space. Soon, I did it every time I went to a bookstore.Years later, I tell my own students to do it. As Thoreau, someone she admires very much, once wrote, “In the long run, we only ever hit what we aim at.”"

Finding inspiration

I realize I'm probably going to sound a bit strange admitting this, but one thing I love about going some place, even some place as mundane as the grocery store, is the possibility of finding new sensations and thoughts to incorporate into my writing. This past weekend was loaded with them. On Saturday, the trip to Epcot offered some wonderful new observations. The interactions of strangers, the types of people walking in the park, what they did, how they moved, all very fascinating. The beach provided some wonderful sensations like the feel of saltwater in my eyes, sand and salt drying my skin, how tender my feet are when walking on hot sand or rough shells. I've experienced these before, but memory fades when you don't do something very often. It's nice to not only experience them again, but be aware of the experience. Soak it in. Watch it. Feel it. Revel in it. Then happily tuck it away in your memory for later.

All of these experiences expand my choices in creating and describing actions in my novel. It's like working all day and getting a bit tired, then chugging a Coke and feeling the instant burst of energy. It's a breath of life, refreshing and revitalizing, into a store room of vacuum sealed experiences.

The next time you venture out into the world, try not to focus solely on your goal. Instead, take a moment and look around you. Sniff the air. Feel the sun on your skin. Watch the people walking by you. Listen to their conversations, their concerns, their interests, the way they phrase things. You'd be surprised how much this helps you show instead of tell your story.

Epcot's food and wine festival

My sister and I spent the day at Epcot's Food and Wine Festival yesterday. I've never been to one, but thought it would be a fun girl's thing to do. We got a bit of a late start, as I had to drop my daughter off at SAT testing and then we had to drop off my sister's rental car at the airport. When we arrived at Epcot at 11:30, we were both ready to start eating...and drinking. Can't forget drinking.

The lines were fairly long at the first few kiosks, so we decided to sit down and eat lunch at a restaurant. Once we had some food in our bellies, we could spend the afternoon grazing and drinking. Neither one of us wanted to drink on an empty stomach.

We had lunch in France. The outside wall of the restaurant was all windows so we watched people walking back and forth with various plates of dishes and glasses of wine or beer. Several times I saw someone with a long champagne glass containing something deep red and bubbly. It looked really good! I told Lori that after lunch we needed to find out what that was and where to get some.

France didn't have it, so we walked around to the other countries. I also scanned the area for anyone with that drink. As luck would have it, I couldn't find the drink anywhere.

Finally, passing Italy, I spied two woman sitting on stone steps sipping the drink I was looking for. I walked up to them and Lori started laughing at me. They were both nice and told me it was called Rosa Regale and pointed at the door to our right and said they got it in there.

Great!

We waited in line and saw half of the people getting the Rosa Regale. There were also several people getting shots of Lemoncello in addition to the Rosa Regale. I'm not a big alcohol drinker, so I kept to a glass of the Rosa Regale. Lori decided to get one of each. I tasted the Lemoncello...and made a face that had my sister laughing. It had a nice lemon flavor with just a touch of sweetness, but it was a liqueur. I don't like liqueurs. It was like drinking syrup. My sister loved it though. She didn't chug it, like two of the woman ahead of us in line. She sipped it, savoring the flavor.

We left with our drinks and found a demonstration tent where we caught a pasta making demonstration as we drank our Rosa Regale, which was very good. They had given us a piece of dark chocolate to eat as we drank. I had scoffed at the thought of chocolate improving the taste, but I was very mistaken. The Rosa Regale was good without the chocolate. But when consumed with the chocolate...WOW! Absolutely wonderful.

We visited each of the countries in Epcot and all of the kiosks in between. We didn't get food and drink everywhere, as not everything sounded good to us, but we had fun with what we did buy. There also wasn't anything we bought that didn't taste good. We sampled some crema catalana from Spain, a plum and green tea cocktail from China, Grilled lamb chop with arugula salad from Australia (I think), salad with pita bread and baklava from Greece, mango yogurt cooler from India (I think) and a few others. The only downside for me was that most of the dishes contained some form of meat, which meant I mainly munched on the desserts.

We ended our visit with one last stop in Italy where we each bought a bottle of Rosa Regale and Lori also bought a bottle of Lemoncello.

Cooking and singing

I got hungry for okra so I made a pot of gumbo tonight. The odd thing is, every time I make either jambalaya or gumbo, I always start singing: jambalaya...crawfish pieee....file gumbo...

You know the song? I have no idea who sings it. I don't think I've actually heard it played since I was a kid. Yet I cannot say either jambalaya or gumbo without that song popping into my head! Talk about frustrating. And, of course, I only know a few lines and they keep repeating over and over in my head as I'm cooking. Do you know how long it takes to cook gumbo and rice? About 30 minutes. Do you know many times you can repeat the same four lines in 30 minutes? Far too many for any sane person to want to hear.

Thankfully, the song ceases to repeat once I sit down to actually eat my dinner.

What can I say? I'm strange.

Planting herbs...in the fall

I have finally gotten around to picking up some potted herbs from Lowes and Home Depot over the weekend. I've been wanting to establish a small herb garden for awhile, but just haven't had the time or opportunity till now. Yes, I know it's October, but when you live in Florida, you can pretty much plant stuff year round. I would much rather be living further north where I would be walking around to the sound of red and gold leaves crunching under foot this time of year. Unfortunately, I live in a state where our leaves go straight from green to brown in December/January. Sometimes you can catch a few rebel leaves brazenly sporting some yellow or, if you are really lucky, a bit of red, but that doesn't occur often. So until I can move, I've decided to make the best of it. That includes planting some herbs in the fall.

After a few emails with a friend of my from the UK, I realized I was a bit disappointed that my development, which is deed restricted, doesn't allow vegetable gardens. I would like to have a small veggie garden as well as an herb garden. I had resigned myself to simply putting my herbs in long rectangular pots on my lanai (what Floridians call a screened in back porch), when I stopped. Couldn't I also grow a few veggies in pots on my lanai?

Hmm...why not? So I headed back out to Lowes and Home Depot and picked up a few potted veggies: three types of tomatoes: cherry, yellow and red; four types of peppers: green bell, sweet orange, poblano, and mucho nacho (that's what the tags called them); some butter lettuce and brussel sprouts. Okay, okay, the brussel sprouts weren't planned, but I always have a hard time finding good, fresh brussel sprouts.

Pleased with my sneaky way of getting around a ban veggie gardens, I dove back in to re-potting my herbs and my new veggies. I got half way through transferring the plants to the pots I purchased when I read the smaller print on the bag of organic vegetable garden soil I was using to re-pot. It said, "in-ground use only."

So, what? It doesn't work when used in containers? This made no sense to me. I had also already purchased two large bags and was over half way finished re-potting. I really didn't feel like buying something new and starting over again. Besides, soil is soil, right?

Of course, I have no idea if any of the plants will grow. I don't really have a green thumb. My sister and mother are wonderful with gardens. Plants seem to let me walk into gardens, but if I even look like I may lift a hand to actual do something, they automatically start to wilt.

Hopefully this time the plants will live long enough for me to see some fruit for my effort, literally.

Male logic

I saved up my money this year to pay for bamboo flooring to be installed in my living room/dining room combo. I had been excited to get this done. Most of my house is in berber carpeting, which is okay, but I want to gradually install bamboo in most of the main rooms and halls. As I have a severe allergy to debt, I don't get anything installed that I can't pay for in full when I place the order. Simply put, it will take me a couple of years before I'm finished installing bamboo.

I had originally wanted to install the bamboo myself since it looked pretty easy to do. I mean, it's tongue and groove, how hard could it be? Alas, the company informed me that the 30 year warranty that came with the wood would be void unless it was installed by a certified installer. (don't you hate fine print?)

The installers came out on Monday and laid the sealer over the concrete flooring, and boy did that smell! Tuesday they returned and had both rooms completed by mid-afternoon.

Yeah!

The kids are at their dad's this week, but I pick up Sean and keep him after school since he's too young to stay at his dad's alone till his dad gets home. After I picked Sean up from school, we went to Home Depot and then Lowes looking at area rugs. Sean sat in the back seat thoroughly confused about what we were doing.

"Mom, I thought they put the bamboo down?"

"They did."

"Then why are we getting a rug?"

"Because I want some color in the room and I think a rug would look nice in the center of the room."

"But I thought you liked the bamboo flooring?"

"I do."

Sean was clearly exasperated at this point. "Okay. Mom. You rolled up the carpeting that was on the floor, had some guys come and install bamboo flooring and now you want to buy a rug to put on top of the bamboo?"

I glanced at his expression in the rear view mirror and came to the realization that male logic is even annoying when coming from the mouth of an 11 year old boy.

My sister doesn't like me anymore

It's been a running joke for years that I gave birth to my sister's daughter. My sister and I look a lot alike in the face, but as kids, she had blond hair, blue eyes and dimples. She also got really moody once/month. I have dark hair, green eyes and no dimples. I also rarely have mood swings...like once every few years. Jess is like my sister in a lot of ways, including a strong tendency towards spiteful behavior. I lost count of the number of times I yelled at Jess when she was a toddler, calling her Lori by mistake.

As fate would have it, my 8 year old niece, Kaylee, doesn't look like me, but her personality is closer to mine than her mother's. Kaylee is the only liberal in a rather conservative immediate family. She has no idea what a liberal is, but she naturally takes after me, who is somewhere between liberal and libertarian and some other political mutt mix.

My phone rang as I sat down to dinner. My sister. "Hey!"

"I really don't like you."

I grinned. "Cool! What'd I do now?"

"You're a bad influence on Kaylee."

I hadn't spoken to my niece in awhile. Kaylee doesn't like to talk much on the phone, but she's quite verbal face-to-face. I instantly guessed what had happened and laughed aloud. "She's going vegetarian!"

Lori paused. "Yeah," her voice as unenthusiastic as humanly possible.

I punch a fist in the air. "Way to go Kaylee! I knew you had it in you."

"Oh shut up."

I laughed. "I never said anything to her about that. Ever."

My sister sighed. "I know. She's never really eaten meat. I mean she'd eat it sometimes, but never very much. Last week she decided she didn't want to eat meat anymore."

I couldn't stop smiling. I never mentioned my diet decision to my nieces. I think they remember I don't eat meat, but it was never a big deal to me, so I never really discussed it. I'm enjoying the irony of Lori having to deal with a daughter like me while I had to deal with a daughter like her.

Being a vegetarian probably doesn't sound like that big a deal, but my sister's family is very meat and potatoes. My nephew even hunts. So having a vegetarian in the family is quite funny, if you ask me.

World Building

One of my favorite parts of writing fantasy is world building. I love playing in my imagination. As a kid, my sister and her best friend referred to me as a dreamer. While I like doing things and being active, I can be just as content staring out the window for hours on end.

At first, my world building was focused on the basics, like how does the world function, what people populate it, how is it divided geographically and demographically, what types of plants and animals live there, what is the technology, what is the current political situation?

This all gave me a broad brush stroke of the present day world, but I want to create a world with depth and richness. So I started going back and creating a history for each species and kingdom. I'm also developing several conflicting religions along with the power struggles that go within each. While these are fun, what I find myself pulled towards lately is folklore and mythology. Every culture has some, so I wanted to create a few for my world too. The challenge: whatever I create needs to be critical to the lives of the respective cultures.

I've developed one myth thus far that I really like and it plays into the end of the story. I'm working on a few more, but a big part of the fun is simply imagining...thinking up various things and letting them play out in my mind to see if they work.

I wish I could instill this love of imagination in my children. I would love to get them to 'unplug' and just go inside themselves once in awhile and see where it leads them. I can get them to turn off all electrical equipment to play cards or a board game with me without trouble -- they enjoy playing, but they never willingly do it just to dream.

I sometimes wonder if we're losing something with all the sensory overload we expose ourselves to day in and day out. We've become so immune to it, our senses need more and more to feel any stimulation at all. Kinda reminds me of drug or alcohol addiction.

The trouble with kids and abstract concepts

When discussing abstract concepts, I've long known that my kids have trouble with time, distance, and size. However, the older ones seem to be getting a better handle on these things.

I mistakenly gave my youngest son the benefit of the doubt when he came home one day announcing that he wanted to take one of the classroom pets, a ball python, home for the weekend. There are three classroom snakes, but he only likes the smallest one.

My I-don't-think-so face firmly glued on, I raised an eyebrow. "How small is small?"

Sean quickly held out his hands about eighteen inches apart. "It's pretty small. The others are huge and can wrap completely around my waist and up my arm."

I bit my tongue at asking how he knew that. My face faltered. I could handle an eighteen inch snake, even if it turned out to be closer to two feet. Plus, Sean's been doing pretty well behavior-wise this school year. "Okay. I'll write a note saying you can take him home this weekend."

"It's a girl, mom. Her name is Petals."

Petals...for a snake? I shrugged.

This afternoon I pulled up in front of the school to pick up Sean and Petals for the weekend. My mouth fell open when I stopped in front of Sean, who held a large glass tank containing a snake at least four feet long. I quickly rolled down the passenger window. "You said you were bringing home the smallest snake!"

The two teachers helping him laughed. "This is the smallest snake."

Before I could tell them to wait, the back door opened and they slid the tank in.

I eyed the snake as it's head rose up against the lid of the tank. "Where's the lock for the lid? And the key, which preferably stays here at school."

The teachers kept laughing, a bit too much if you ask me. "The lid is latched on, don't worry." The one teacher backed up and waved. "Have a fun weekend!"

I swallowed my reply as Sean slipped inside the other car door.

Here is a picture of Petals, who, according to my son, is only about eighteen inches long:

My daughter: the conspiracy theorist

Last week Jess had us laughing so hard in the car, I knew I'd have to write it down. She was in one of her moods, the one where everything is black and white and she knows all. It could be just a teen phase, but I doubt it as she's always been this way.

Regardless, Sean and Richard were with us and Sean was telling us that if he gets so many points in class during the week, his name will go into a jar and his teacher will pull one name on Friday. That person gets to take one of the classroom pets home for the weekend. His choices are one of three snakes, rats, hampsters or guinea pigs. Sean decided he wanted to take home either a snake or the rats. The following dialogue ensued:

Jess: You're not bringing rats home. They have bubonic plague.
Mom: What!?
Jess: It's true. Half of Europe was wiped out because the rats carried bubonic plague.
Mom (laughing): Yeah, but these rats don't carry the plague.
Jess: How do you know? They carried it once, they can carry it again.
Mom just keeps laughing and rolls her eyes.
Jess: Actually, if he does bring home rats, I'm moving to India. No one in India died from the plague. Maybe it was because they eat so much curry.
Mom and boys can't stop laughing.
Jess: I'm serious! Just wait. You'll die from the bubonic plague and when I give your eulogy, I'll end it with "I told you so."

The laughter dies down a bit and Jess announces she's going to be a conspiracy theorist. I laugh even harder.
Richard: Sean, stop biting your nails and spitting them at me!
Jess: That's a sign of a vitamin deficiency.
Mom and boys stop and stare at her.
Jess: It is. I read about it. He has vitamin C deficiency.
The rest of us start laughing...again.
Mom: It's also a sign of nerves and an oral fixation. He doesn't have a vitamin deficiency.
Jess: Nope. It's a sign of a vitamin deficiency.

As we all laugh, the dark sky streaks with lightening and a clap of thunder rattles the car. (I should note that beginning this year, Jess has become terrified of thunderstorms - she's afraid she'll die in a tornado. She refuses to listen to my explanation of the possibility of it happening).

Jess: Can't you drive any faster?
Mom points ahead: Where do you want me to go? It's raining and there's traffic. I can't exactly drive over the cars.
Jess: Why not?
Richard taunts: What's wrong Jess?
Jess: Shut up Richard. You have no idea how often tornadoes strike and we're sitting in a car! We could all be killed. (she's not afraid, but annoyed that no one takes her seriously)
All of us are laughing at her now.
Jess: We could!
Mom: Well, Richard, it seems you'll die from a tornado. Sean will die from a vitamin C deficiency and I'll die from the plague.
We all laugh.
Jess smiles: That's right. And I'll live to be an old woman.

Back on the blog again

Wow...long time, no post. Summer was crazy with work, as I mentioned multiple times in my previous posts. Everything's caught up now, so I can resume my blogging. Unfortunately, this tends to be the first thing I drop when time becomes tight.

Let's see, first up is the Worldcon report. Montreal was wonderful. I'm not much of a city person, but I really enjoyed the european flair: loved the cafe's and patisseries (yummm) and the architecture in old town Montreal was amazing. The conference was interesting. I attended multiple sessions pretty much back-to-back each day. Friday my enthusiasm had been almost sucked dry with the quality of sessions, but the last one that day made the rest well worth the wait. It turned out to be the trend for the rest of the conference. Not that all of the sessions were bad, rather most of the ones I attended didn't dig into details as I was hoping. Instead they tended to glaze over topics or discuss basics when I was ready for the next level. However, there were many people attending who thoroughly enjoyed most of the sessions I was in and seemed to get a lot out of it. I think it just depends on where you are in your writing and research of publishing.

I got to meet a few author's whose books I've read, which was nice. I enjoyed the sessions with Patrick Rothfuss and Brandon Sanderson. I found I got a lot out of those panels. Of course, all of their books I own are on my kindle, so getting an autograph wasn't possible unless I purchased another book. Ah, one of the downsides of e-books I hadn't considered. Still, I prefer e-books to paperback/hardcover for shear quantity I can carry and store. Not to mention they save a few trees!

On the personal writing front, I finally, FINALLY have found my main character's voice! It's only taken about 2 years, multiple edits, and numerous growls of frustration. I'm still honing it, but at least I can hear her and feel her now. Up till this point, it's been a real struggle for me. I think one of my biggest blocks with her has been her name, as stupid as I know that sounds. I really liked the name I had for her, but it didn't fit with this world. I kept telling myself it could work and ignored the fact that it wasn't. Grudgingly, I decided to try writing the first chapter with a name common to this world and what do you know? I suddenly found her personality seeping into mind as I wrote. After a few pages I stopped, re-read what I wrote, then began to kick myself for waiting so long to change her name! Oh well, it's all good. I think lessons learned the hard way end up making you so much better.

Worldcon countdown

Leaving in 10 days for Worldcon. While I'm a bit excited about the event itself, I'm actually more excited just to get away for awhile.

I was planning on heading to the beach yesterday, but it rained most of the day. However, later in the afternoon I looked behind my house and saw a double rainbow! More than made up for the lack of beach time!

The upstairs A/C unit decided to stop working on saturday. Sunday was the worst with upstairs temps in the mid 80's. Fortunately there are ceiling fans in each upstairs room, so that helped quite a bit while sleeping. I'm rather peaved, though, as I just had to replace the coils on each unit about 2 months ago. With any luck, this will be a quick (and cheap) fix!

Is it the weekend yet?

I was positive yesterday was Friday until an 11:30 call with a client. I keep chanting to myself that, yes, today is actually Friday. A late night of work (11:30pm) coupled with long, brain-achy days leaves me ready for any brainless activity this weekend.

One of the items on the list is to catch the harry potter movie with the kids. I'm also thinking about some beachtime on Sunday.

With any luck the weather and my schedule will allow for both!

The data won't stop processing!!!

I'm getting more requests for work from various clients all scrambling for the August 14th deadline. I also have my current client load -- I'm now behind in both. It's 9pm and the file I started processing at 5:30, stopped at 7 because it hadn't finished, then started again at 7 is still processing. I knew this was a possibility as the files are quite large for the analysis required (and it's only part of the state of Kansas). However, It's taking up so much processing time, I missed my critique group tonight (not a happy camper about that) and I also didn't finish the markets I told my other client I'd finish today.

Now it looks like I'll need to let this run overnight. I hate doing that because I can't be sure if it will finish or if the software simply hit a node and is stuck on one spot....the joys of geographic data analysis...NOT!

My partner is going to love me!

Work has been increasing the past month. We just found out that there's an August 14th deadline for petitioning for some of the stimulus package for telco. Of course, I'll be in Montreal Aug 5-10, which means Ali will be flying solo for that week.

(my evil laugh kicks in) Finally he'll be the one getting swamped with work when I'm on vacay instead of the other way around -- like it usually is.

I'm getting excited about the trip to Worldcon. I think it will be both fun and educational. I'm looking forward to meeting several of the author's attending. It'll also be neat to get an autographed book or two (I don't have any!).

I had almost forgotten about my passport. I re-took my maiden name after the divorce, so I had to get a new passport. It should be here sometime in the next 7-10 days. That's the last piece I need to be ready for the trip. And I'm making sure Ali knows I'm completely out of touch while I'm there (no helping remote like I usually do). God knows he does that to me.

Trying my hand at volunteering

I've decided that I need to get out of my house more often. The perks of working out of your house are many and most of them obvious. However, there are plenty of downsides as well. One of which is that you really don't meet many people unless it's over the phone or email.

I was originally interested in doing something with Habitat for Humanity. They have a Women's Builder program in which it's all women doing the work. The problem is they don't have any in my area. They also didn't have any special builds or anything coming up that I could help with.

I then started looking at maybe something with the state parks. However, that would mean being outside in FL during the summer months -- something I try to keep to a minimum unless air conditioning or water is involved.

Then I did a quick search (Google is my best friend) and found volunteer positions for docents at the Tampa Historical Museum (or something like that). The museum recently moved to a very large building on reclaimed land, and it's the first building in the area built "green," which I really liked. So I volunteered to give tours once or twice per month (during the weeks I don't have my kids). They only do volunteer 'training' twice per year, so I have to wait till the next one in September, but I think it will be fun.

Rather busy lately

Been busy the past month and haven't blogged in weeks. I finally had a few hours to spend on writing yesterday and decided this morning to kick myself back into blogging.

My daughter, Jess, went to Drum Corps International Saturday night in Orlando. Yes, she's a band geek. We talked yesterday about it which led to several stories from school this past year. I must admit that my confidence in the future generation of this country definitely stands on shaky ground given some of the stories she tells me. And you'll notice below that my daughter is quite the smart-ass. Here are a few that stick out in my mind:

(in her AP World History class)

Student: "Mr. A. did you fight in WWII?"

Mr. A. (who is only in his mid-40's): "Do I look old enough to have fought in WWII?"

Jess: "Oh no. Mr. A. fought in the Civil War."

Student: "No way!"

Jess: "Yeah. He fought for the north."

Student: "That is so COOL!!"

Mr. A. looks from Jess to the student before shaking his head and walking away.

Jess and a friend were standing at their lockers when April approaches, flustered and holding a piece of paper.

April: "Guys. This one question says 'which European country has the ...(Jess didn't remember what it had, but it's irrelevant). Is it: Sweden, Egypt, Lebanon, or China?"

Jess: "how about the one that's in Europe?"

Jess and the band were on a bus heading to San Antonio for a tournament. A few hours north of Tampa, they see a river nearby.

Tyre: "Look! The Mississippi river!"

Jess: "Yeah, Tyre. The Mississippi river is in the middle of Florida."

Love note to hot tea

**Warning: this post has been written after a 15 hour work day and only 5 hours of sleep**

Ahhhh...hot tea...you're so much more than a drink. Your green hue beckons my mind with heated thoughts. Your steam dances in joy at the thought of me drinking you. The first taste of you heats my body like a lover's passionate kiss. Swallowing you drapes my body in a warm glow. My eyes close in satisfaction before fluttering open with a sigh.

You are so much more than a drink...

Back yard neighbors

My house sits on a cul-de-sac and backs to a small retention pond. On the other side of the pond the land is split by conservation on the left and houses on the right. I took these pics of my backyard neighbors a few weeks ago. Forgot to post them until I heard a sandhill crane out back just now. I love their calls.

Anyway, here are a few of the creatures living in my back yard -- okay they live in the pond behind my back yard, but you know what I mean.

I took the pic through my office window, so it isn't the best. But when he stuck out his neck like that I couldn't resist grabbing my camera.

In this pic our gater is sunning himself across the pond from my kitchen window. About three days later, I looked out and saw him sunning my yard. Pretty cool!

We also have a very fast and active otter, but everytime I try and get a picture, the little guy darts and dives. Never knew those things could move so fast. Of course, I guess you have to when you share a pond with a gater.

Publishing lightbulb jokes

I found this cute list on GBH Hornswoggler's blog, but decided to post it here as well as I got a chuckle out of most of them:

Q: How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Does it HAVE to be a lightbulb?

Q. How many editors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Only one; but first they have to rewire the entire building.

Q. How many managing editors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. You were supposed to have changed that lightbulb last week!

Q. How many cover artists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Why is there...an eggbeater, I think?...sticking out of this light fixture?

Q. How many copyeditors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. The last time this question was asked, it involved art directors. Is the difference intentional? Should one or the other instance be changed? It seems inconsistent.

Q. How many proofreaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Proofreaders aren't supposed to change lightbulbs. They should just query them.

Q. How many marketing directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. It isn't too late to make this neon instead, is it?

Q. How many sales directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. (pause) I get it! This is one of those lightbulb jokes, right?

Q. How many agents does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one, but he keeps 15% of the light put out by the bulb over its lifetime.

Q. How many writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. But why do we have to CHANGE it?

Q. How many publishers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Three. One to screw it in, two to hold down the author.

Q: How many Production people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One.

Q: How many Production people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Damn it! I can't believe they're changing the freakin' lightbulb AGAIN!!!

Difficult choices

I was engrossed in writing a scene for my novel when my sister called. I answered and heard a slight pause before she responded. I knew something was wrong before I heard her voice. Silence often times carries intense emotions, but most people never take the time to listen and feel them.

She choked a short hello followed by another pause.

I waited a bit longer before asking, "What's wrong?" 

"I don't know what to do about Soda." 

Sodapop is my sister's cocker spanial mix. They got him 14 years ago. The past few years have really taken a toll on his body. He's down to only a couple of teeth in his mouth, he has arthritis in his joints, and the past year he's struggled with incontinence. 

The vet just informed her that his kidney is only functioning at 25%. To compensate, she'll need to give him a liter of fluid twice a week. The only way to do this is have someone hold him still while she injects the fluid using a needle and IV bag.

My heart fluttered as my memories faded to my black lab, Jasmine. We rescued her when she was 4 months old. Jasmine died two years ago from cancer. She didn't show any signs of problems until one Saturday when she didn't seem able to get up or move at all. We ran her to the vet ER and was told of the cancer. It was a common illness in labs, one in which blood vessels weaken and burst and the dog bleeds internally. 

She died six hours later on her 11th birthday.

"What would you do if it was Jasmine?"

I let out a long sigh. "I don't know. It's hard. He's a part of the family. I'm also one of those people who will always choose quality over quantity. He's old. He's lived a long and wonderful life with a family who loved him and never abused him. His body's been wearing out over the years. If I were him, would I want to be held down by my family and injected with a needle twice a week? If so, what does that buy him? Eventually the kidneys will stop functioning. He has a physical body. It wasn't meant to last forever. While it would be difficult, I think I would warn the kids that he's too old and his body won't last much longer. And this isn't just because he's a dog. It's pretty much what happened with Grandma."

My grandmother's kidneys stopped functioning and she refused dialysis. She had lived her life and was ready to die. It took about 2 years longer than the doctor's expected, but she finally passed away this past November.

"I know." She was quiet for a bit. I let the silence hang. Sometimes not saying anything can be as important as saying the right thing. She took a deep breath and exhaled. I could hear one of my nieces in the background. "Well, I gotta go." She sounded more like herself.

"Okay. I'll be home all night if you want to talk."

I hung up the phone and turned back to my laptop. I stared at the text, but my mind wouldn't enter the scene. I closed MS Word and went looking for some pictures of Jasmine. 

Up to date

Friday I was able to get everything for my main client off of my plate and on to their's. That's the first time this year! Normally we have a constant back and forth going so that both of us are always working on one market or another. See, one division from my client sends me data. I process and map that data and send to another division for review. They approve or make changes and send it back to me. If approved I go to the next stage for that market and the cycle continues. If there are changes, I make them and re-submit for approval. With hundreds of markets in the mix, there's always work to do on both sides, until now.

Now I have a Monday with no billable work to do!

Hmm...

Time to clean and organize my desk.

I typically just tend to pile papers on it instead of taking the time to file them when I'm done. Not sure why. In the rest of my house I'm always making a point to put things away when I'm finished with them. The kids know this trait and have mastered the eye roll and "I know, mom" comments when I even start to point out something not put away. However, I've never been able to carry that trait over into my office. Rather odd when you consider that my office is part of my house.

Filing, here I come!

On-line dating???

Yeah, I know, but let me explain first...

I always feel the need to preface my on-line dating experience with that statement. Why? Not sure. Embarrassment, maybe? Some type of justification on my part for 'stooping' to on-line dating? (shrugs)

Bottom line - I did it because I was curious.

My mother met her second husband through a dating service back in '92. He was killed 10 years later and she gave on-line dating a whirl two different times since then. I figured if my mom could do it, why not see what it has to offer. Of course, she had no luck whatsoever with it, but I still thought I'd try it out.

The minimum time-frame for trying most of the services was 3 months. So I signed up for my 3 months on two different websites and dove in to creating a profile.

Being the dominant picture taker in the family, I had no recent pictures of myself handy. Thus I found myself in my office, using the time-delay on my digital camera to attempt a full-body shot. I wasn't greedy -- I simply wanted one shot I could post in my profile.

It took about 20 minutes and over a dozen shots before I got one I could work with (it's hard trying to smile sincerely when you are only staring at a camera and know the picture will be used by total strangers as a means of gauging whether or not they are interested in getting to know you.)

I had no real hope that anything would come of it, but I was curious to see who was doing this type of thing and how many people actually used these services. If I met someone - great! If not, it would still be interesting to see what happens.

Once my profile was created, I did my first database search: men; 35-45; non-smoker; within a 100 mile radius of my home.

The search generated about 600 hits -- yes, 600 (that's not a typo). I was pleasantly surprised by the quantity and proceeded to go through the results.

To quote my daughter: "Oh my GOD!"

In this age range, I had expected to see mature, (at least semi-) confident men.

I went through all 600 results:

60% of the profiles contained at least 1 picture of the man without a shirt. Less then 15% of those were beach shots. About half of the men were doing some sort of muscle pose or a casual "check me out" pose. The majority wore only jeans or casual shorts without a shirt. A few had their jeans slightly unzipped and turned out -- EEWWW!

70% of the profiles included shots of a motorcycle (only about half of those showed the man with the motorcycle).

Those were the two dominant stats. Needless to say, those are also the two that I consider to be among my top turn-offs. I have absolutely no interest in anyone who feels they have to 'promote' their body to gain my interest. And I do NOT like motorcycles - far too risky for my tastes.

I was honestly shocked at the results. I hadn't expected either one of those stats to be noticeable, let alone dominant.

My conclusion: men aged 35-45 who participate in on-line dating are prime targets for mid-life crises.

I stopped trying searches about a month after I originally registered (just couldn't bring myself to keep 'trying' the full 3 months). My subscriptions ended in May and I have no intention of renewing them or trying it again - just not the type of people I'm interested in.

Lesson learned

Last day of school

It's the last day of school, which means an end to the rather hectic schedule the past two weeks (banquets, awards cereomonies, talent shows, parties, end of year gifts). It also means that this weekend my kids go back to their father's for his two weeks of custody. Yes, this has been our schedule for 6 months now, but this time is different.

During school weeks, I pick them up after school every day and keep them home with me as I've always done with them (one of the perks of working out of your house). About two months ago, we decided that Jess (being 16) could simply go straight to his house after school and stay till he gets home from work. We agreed that the boys were too young to be home alone for 3 hours every afternoon.

This will be the first time since the divorce that I won't see them while they are at his house.

My house is a 30 minute drive to their school, each direction. Then I drive to meet Rich to 'swap' the kids during his weeks.

The driving won't be missed, but the kids will.

Teachers who don't know their vocabulary

This is the last week of school, so I've been doubly busy with transporting kids to and from events as well as attending events.

Yesterday my oldest son, Richard, had his final awards ceremony as a fifth grader. I attended and videotaped him receiving a Citizen of the Month award, a Safety Patrol award and a Presidents Achievement in Education award. 

It was typical of elementary school awards ceremonies and everything went off without a hitch, except for one thing that no one else seemed to notice. Or perhaps they noticed, but I was the only one bothered by it.

The ceremony emcee was one of the fifth grade teachers. Richard didn't have her, but knew her and liked her. About ten minutes into the ceremony she was touting the merits of a few students, I don't recall the particular award they won, but she said something along the lines of "they are full of competence." 

I puzzled a moment. Mulling over her statement I assumed she simply misspoke the word 'competence' for 'confidence.' Nothing to gawk at, really. People, particularly when speaking to crowds, misspeak often. I wouldn't have thought twice about it except that she did it two more times. Explaining one child's continual show of responsibility, she said "She eludes responsibility." She used the word 'elude' in the same way a few minutes later. 

That was not misspeaking. That clearly demonstrated the teacher didn't know the meaning of the words 'elude' or 'exude.'

This, of course, made me wonder if she knew the difference between 'confidence' and 'competence' as well. I was stunned when she spoke. Her actions told me she hadn't realized anything was wrong wtih what she had said. I leaned in to my ex and pointed this out. He shrugged as if it didn't matter and continued to listen.

I scanned the rest of the faces in the crowd looking for signs that at least one other person found this disconcerting. 

Nothing.

I'm not sure which worries me more, the fact that this is one of the people teaching my children grammer and vocabulary or the fact that no other adult in the cafeteria noticed or cared.